You're NOT My MOM
Confessions of a Formerly "Wicked" Stepmother
Authors: Kali and Elizabeth Schnieders
|It is with great sadness that I must share a tragic development since the publication of this book. On December 31st, 2005 my precious daughter, and co-author, Elizabeth Schnieders Dyer, lost her battle with anorexia.|
To honor her memory and her life, I am speaking out against this horribly misunderstood disease. If you would like to invite me to speak in your area and educate families on how to spot dangerous behaviors before they can grip
your children, please call: 972-713-9070 or
Kali was interviewed on "Mornings with Scott and Lorri" recently and told how despite their loss of Elizabeth, she and Larry are finding blessings as they heal. Right-click here and choose "Save target as..." to download an MP3 of this touching interview (14.3 Mb).
From the moment Kali married Elizabeth's father, painful discoveries and anxieties began to occur. Kali had joined what was rapidly to become one of a growing number of unsuccessful stepfamilies.
"Our stepfamily bonding process was no gentle folding together of three lives...it was more like being blended in a Cuisinart!"
Each chapter is genuine, reflecting the heartache and struggle they each endured. Page by page you see how inadequate a new stepmother can feel when she enters married life:
"As my role in our new family blurred, my questions mounted. Shall I be a friend, a mom, or some combination of both?
Shall I voice my disagreement over parenting decisions, or take a backseat?
What do I do with all of these feelings that seem to well up? She hates me and rejects my every attempt to connect."
Confusion, grief, jealousy, frustration and anger are all
commonplace in unsuccessful
stepfamilies. Stepparenting is a significant life challenge.
"All of our temptations are common to man, but God is faithful..."
(1 Cor. 10:13)
Stepmoms are tempted to think:
"I'm in over my head. Maybe I've made a mistake with this marriage."
Divorce is NOT an option, but how can I stay sane while waiting for an empty nest."
"I want to be a good stepmother, but the pain and problems just beat me down."
"I'm sick of their rejection and judgments!"
"I'm losing all hope that things will ever get any better."
"I know my stepchild is in pain, and don't know what to do for her."
"I'm in pain, and don't know what to do for myself!"
"If only my husband could understand my feelings."
"I've never felt more alone..."
Stepchildren are tempted to think:
"Why did this woman have to marry my Dad and wreck my life?"
"I want my real mom!"
"I'm sick of this woman trying to boss me around. I hate her."
"I may just be a kid, but I have feelings too!"
"I want things to be the way they were...just me and my Dad."
"I feel so alone."
If the above thoughts and emotions sound familiar this book was written for YOU!
According to a poll conducted by CN 8 on stepfamilies: 14% said it took 10 years to bond with their stepchildren, and 86% said they are still not accepted.
Our book does not try to convince you that there is a quick fix to your problems. What it does do, is help you ask yourself some key questions to use as a springboard for working through your own issues.
You're NOT My MOM offers hope.
It also offers:
- Help. Gain a fresh perspective on your own situation as you discover the secrets of staying the course (when you'd rather toss in the towel). Through our ups and downs you will see how growth eventually comes if you stick with it.
- Comfort. Breathe a sigh of relief, as you discover that you are not alone...your struggles are commonly shared by stepparents (and many birth parents as well.)
- Peace of mind. Feel the "worry wrinkles" ease from your brow as you come to believe that any stepfamily can learn to cope with the day to day issues.
- Insights. Thought provoking questions at the end of each chapter will help your family grapple with the tough stuff, and discover ways to move from conflict to love.
- Power. You will encounter bitter enemies who defeated their hatred and became best friends. Discover their secret weapon, and find the surest way out of the darkness into the light of family joy.
Whether your stepfamily was created through death or divorce, you will be reassured by the words and inspired by the outcome of this story. The thought-provoking struggles, and tender moments are infused with a polite dose of heavenly grace that will encourage people of all faiths.
And you may find yourself believing for the first time that if your family will reflect on its behavior, commit to growth, press on in spite of pain and allow the light of God's love to work there can be harmony, unity and blessing in your future.
"If an inadequately prepared and ill-equipped businesswoman who never even babysat can turn into a successful (step)mother, there's hope for anyone!"