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| Bent Tree People |
Mother-Daughter Hope to Heal “Step-Families”
Book shares personal story of family bonding
By Kaylan Christopher - Special Contributor
There hasn't always been a cozy relationship between mom-and-daughter duo Kali and Elizabeth Schnieders. Kali has been Elizabeth's stepmother for a little over 17 years now, but the first 10 were toughest.
"Elizabeth's mother was deceased, and I married her dad," Kali said. "She hated me for the first 10 years, and it was very hurtful."
After years of dissention between the two Bent Tree residents, and some rare progressive moments of connection, Elizabeth now introduces Kali to people as her best friend. To capture their roller coaster relationship, the two women have put their experiences into a book titled, You're Not My Mom: Confessions of a Formerly "Wicked" Stepmother, due to hit bookstands April 15.
Kali Schnieders, once a beauty pageant participant in her home state of Missouri, held a marketing career in corporate America for 16 years for three Fortune 500 corporations.
In 1993, she stepped out of the office and into full-time motherhood, working with her husband to raise Elizabeth.
But, from the moment Kali married Elizabeth's father, painful confrontations and barbed words were hurled towards her.
She said that it wasn't Elizabeth's fault, but was the result of a hurt little girl who missed her mother and vied for her father's attention, in addition to bonding with a new family. And, according to Kari, it wasn't until Elizabeth was in college that true bonding took place.
"When she went away to college, and when we weren't right under each other's roof, there was some amount of missing one another," Kali said. "That took us both by surprise. When we were together without him (her husband), we realized (about the other) this isn't such a bad, awful person after all."
Elizabeth said, "Over the course of working on the book, I realized she was and has been my best friend, even though for many years I definitely didn't realize it." Many step-families give up after only a few years of trying to connect, according to Kali. She says their book is a story of encouragement for stepfamilies dealing with bonding issues.
Elizabeth said that it was healing to write the book. "It was therapeutic to discuss and write about how we felt about each other and look back on our lives in an open and honest way," she said.
Now the two do a lot of talking over the phone. Elizabeth is living in Denver, CO, where she is pursuing er Master of Business Administraton degree at the University of Denver. She graduated from the University of Kansas with degrees in psychology and journalism in 2003.
"For 10 years, she never let me hug her, and now we tell each other we love each other," Kali said. "We enjoy each other's company, do fun things together, and focus on what we have in common rather than what used to be."
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